The September to Remember

Though my aunt and I have always been close, I can't say we have discussed matters of religion, life and death at length before.

She knew that the days her body would be with us were ticking down. So she made a quick and spontaneous visit up here.  She took a whole month off chemo (just a prolonging  measure) to come be with us possibly one last time.

I knew that these were days I would never be able to get back so I dropped everything and went to the coast to stay with them.

It could have been solemn and depressing or fake and superficial but instead it was hilarious, raw, sad and REAL.

We talked about her cancer seriously when we wanted to, we made fun of it when we wanted to, we talked about death, life, God, family.  No subject was left untouched, no words unsaid, no feelings unexpressed.  BUT none of it was forced... there were moments of long comfortable connected silence too.

I have never cried and laughed so much in the same week.  I got her on twitter and she instantly was embraced there for her honest and real take on having terminal cancer.  She says all the time she has come to terms with dying, that the fear lessens all the time.  It is those she leaves behind that she worries about.  She knows we will be sad and miss her and that makes her heart ache.

She jumped on a trampoline for the first time, she let me be there to soak up her daily meditation, she let me in... Nothing was off limits. 

We talked about what she envisions the end to look like, where she is at spiritually and how much we love each other.  We also flicked each other tons of shit (sorry younger readers).

She can get some good zingers in on me and of course, cancer.  Without discussing it, we naturally took the irreverent approach.  We gave death and cancer a name and face... then we drew a mustache on it and kicked it in the balls.

This was never about "beating" cancer or "losing" the battle --- I hate those phrases - it implies they could have won or something.  This was about not letting the stigma of dying and cancer ruin our last days together... that was "beating" cancer for us!