My Daughter Samira's letter about her Aunt Joyce

Tonight at dinner it was time to explain to the kids that I would be leaving and the reality of why.  We have never hid my aunt's cancer from them, nor have we hid death in general from them.  They have been to many funerals and even spent time at their great grandfather's bedside in his final days.

We have explained to them that the tears that come when some one dies are not for the person that has gone for they are in paradise but we grieve for ourselves because we will miss their physical presence, we grieve for those closest to them that will miss having them HERE.  We have tried to teach them to be a source of comfort and joy to those who are hurting at the loss of a loved one and not to shy away from the other person's pain or feel as though they have done something wrong if someone starts to cry - that is just part of the process.

My girls were, of course, upset and sad - tears were shed and plans made for gifts, pictures and stories to send with me.  The hardest hit was my oldest (11) Samira.  She could understand the finality of the situation and had spent more years with my aunt, so it wasn't surprising that she was hurting.  There were many angry tears shed and screaming "I HATE CANCER" ... can't say I disagree with her... I told her that I found writing helped me and that maybe she should try that.  

I went to work out (had some stress to relieve) when I got home she handed me her latest journal entry and asked me if I would put it on my blog... so here it is with no editing - just as she wrote it.

MY IDOLS MY HEROS

    A for aunt, J for Joyce.

6 words that my life leans on over the next 3 weeks.  

My aunt is dying of cancer, and I can't go see her.  I would cut off all my hair, give away a limb, anything to make her feel better. I would. NO joke. I wish I could be more like my mom, Nicole. She helps even when She needs help.

I wish I could make my aunt feel loved more than anything in the world.  I wish my Uncle Neil didn't have to go downhill with her.  I wish Cancer would end.  LOVE. I LOVE my family, and everyone out there. I grieve for people who have lost their lives, and are happy at the same time.  In Heaven they don't hurt.

--- Samira Weathers 

age 11 1/6 Corvallis, Oregon 

February 15th